


The One That Could Have Been

by RedOrchid



Series: Shadowhunters: The Ficlet Instruments [5]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Friends to Lovers that Never Were, Id Fic, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Parabatai Feels, the road not taken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 13:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20259169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedOrchid/pseuds/RedOrchid
Summary: Alec is looking. And Jace needs it to stop.





	The One That Could Have Been

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [sh_ficletinstruments](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/sh_ficletinstruments) collection. 

> Prompt: No one can ever, ever find out.

Alec is looking at him.

He’s trying to be subtle about it, and to anyone but Jace he probably is. With every year, Alec seems to build another wall around himself, pulling away from the spotlight to the strategic cover of darkness next to it. Being known as stoic and predictable gives him some small amount of freedom from the ever-watchful eyes of their trainers—just enough to carve a place for himself to breathe under the load Maryse and Robert keep piling onto his shoulders.

Jace knows better, which is why he does his best to play the opposite end of the spectrum, drawing everyone’s attention with showy moves and a cocky personality. He’s good at it, too—still shy of seventeen and already with a solid reputation as a loose cannon who’ll take anyone up on an offer of a good time. 

It’s a shield that serves him well, allowing him small freedoms of his own that he hides in plain sight. The vampire girl he pulls with him to the dance floor of Pandemonium, with just enough actual blood on her lips to keep Alec hovering. The cute, blonde trainer he pretends to show off to. The fake rejections that buy him pockets of peace up on the Institute roof with his best friend’s arms around him.

But Alec’s looking. And Jace knows because he’s been looking back for years—long enough that he can no longer pinpoint exactly when it began. The ache that started off small has grown into something that burns and consumes him, and now that Alec’s _ looking_, he needs for it to _ stop_.

To love is to destroy, and Alec is the one person he can’t bear to ever lose. So he needs a road block. A line drawn in the sand between them, so sacred it can’t ever be crossed.

He finds what he’s looking for in an off-hand conversation overheard between two senior Shadowhunters on shift.

_ Parabatai_. A forever bond. One that’s platonic _ by law. _ Jace wants it more than he can remember wanting anything in his life. 

He asks Alec during the monthly assembly, refusing to let the spark of desperate _ want _ show on his face as Alec’s face falls. He uses the room to camouflage his own desires, to suppress the ache in his chest that screams at him to go to Alec and kiss him until everything outside of the two of them becomes just as irrelevant as it ought to be. He smirks and holds up a hand for a high five as he watches Alec’s heart break—as his own breaks right alongside it—because there are things that can’t be changed, and Jace’s fate is one of them.

They hug each other to tumultuous applause. Then Jace lets go and grabs Alec’s hand, raises it to the sky in triumph.

They’re going to be forever.

And that will have to be enough.


End file.
